I want to preface this story by saying one thing. My math skills are fuckin trash. I mean complete and utter garbage. That being said, someone somewhere decided that I could teach Economics to seniors.

For some Godforsaken reason I decided to teach this class the way I would have wanted it to be when I was a student. So that means I actually teach students what a credit card is, what your credit score is, yada yada yada.

We already completed the unit on taxes. I hit what I thought were all the important documents. W-4? Of course. W-2? No shit. 1040? Line by fuckin line. Being that tax day is next week, one of my students came to me with his parents’ tax return with some questions. You read that right. HIS PARENTS let him walk out of the door with their tax returns that has all of the important information. In the wrong hands, this is goddamn gold mine. SSN, tax ID, salary? All the things I barely trust my wife with are now sitting in my hands to thumb around. Looking back, I should have spent more time teaching these kids to guard this shit with their lives, let alone let their borderline retarded Eco teacher hold onto.

What are his questions you ask? He wanted to know if the accountant filled it out correctly. Believe me, I am beyond flattered that he thinks I would know better than a certified accountant. I mean if the Federal Government and the State of New York say that they can handle your taxes, that should be good enough. But hey, this kid fully believes I would know. So of course I have to satisfy this kid’s curiosity. The minute I get past the 1040, you might as well have wiped your ass with the paper. I would simply have no clue the difference between the two. Child tax credit? Beats the fuck outta me. So I hand it back to him and say “yeah, looks good to me.” This kid walked away thinking that all is good. Believe me, I hope it really all is good. I have no idea. I’m just not that smart.

Social studies teacher? I am. Certified Public Accountant? Not by any stretch of anyone’s imagination.