Teachers often get a reputation for making sure that everything is clean and tidy. We’re always disinfecting the surfaces of our classes. I mean let’s be real, our students are a fucking breeding ground for disease and anything that can get us sick. As someone with the immune system of a newborn, a bottle of hand sanitizer is always nearby. But it’s really hard to stay clear of dirt, grime and whatever other shit you can come up with when other faculty are the real life Pig-pen from Charlie Brown.

I once had to share a classroom with this chooch. It wasn’t so bad when I was only there for one period. It was like I was just passing through town. I didn’t have a reason to hang my hat, because I wasn’t there long enough.

Finally comes the 2017-2018 school year. Pig-pen moves to a new position (oh boy is that a story for another day). I finally have a classroom to myself. Lysol must have had a strong quarter during that time, because I had to Lysol the entire classroom. One example is the desk. I’m allergic to nuts. It’s not an airborne allergy, I just can’t eat the damned things. So when I go into the desk to get a pencil, there were open packets of almonds that baked all summer in that desk. It was like putting my hand into a mine field and hoping I don’t hit anything. I had to take the drawer and throw everything out. I used so many fuckin wipes to clean that desk out that Lysol should have sent me a bouquet of flowers for hitting production quotas.

Not only did this schmuck have open packets of almonds, but half eaten granola bars with no wrappers. Those were still on top of the desk. Honestly, like who actually just throws their half eaten food INSIDE the fuckin desk? I’ll tell you who….a man that has no regards for his own life nor the ones of those around him.

What else have I found in the classroom/desk

• Sticky paper clips

• Curriculum from the Clinton administration.

• Fruit cups that went from that golden color to just brown.

• His will to live (I made sure not to give that back).

• A family of cockroaches who were paying rent.

• Post it notes that have some coked-up ramblings that only make sense if you are in the head of a lunatic.

By now you can see that this was the classroom of a man that’s not playing with a full deck. I shudder to see what his house looks like:

As of this blog being written, that classroom is 1000x cleaner. We actually throw things out! We’re STILL cleaning outdated curriculum materials from teacher that no longer work at the school, but retired before I started in 2014.

Out of all of these stories, this one takes the cake. I really got a look at how little decency this man has. I’m about to use the men’s faculty bathroom and this soup sandwich of a man just walks out. I mutter a pleasantry that has to oomph behind it. As he walks out and I walk in, I realize this just pissed all over the seat. Not like an errant drop from the shake down, but a wet seat. Either this guy wasn’t wearing his glasses, or he just lets it fly like a fire hose. At his age (my guess by the shear wear & tear on his face, it’s probably late 40’s, early 50’s) he should be able to use the bathroom correctly.

Once again, the human decency in me leads me to have to clean up. I don’t need people thinking I do t have control of my member, like this guy. I really wanted to shove his nose in it like he was a puppy.

All of this makes me beg one question, at what point can we bring this guy up on war crimes? I mean I’ll row the fuckin boat to bring him to The Hague. This is definitely biological warfare. I often find myself going to dream at night, wishing to see him behind bars. But like I said, we can save those stories for another day.